The DA madness
by bexybooblue
Summary: A look at how the rules for the DA came to be.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Umbridge sat at at her desk sorting through her mail when she came to a cream envelope with writing on the front she had not seen before , she carefully opened the letter and began to read

Dear Umbridge

I would like to see you in screaming agony being eaten a live by fleas, with cockroaches crawling all over you.

I would also like to see a dragon use you as food for its young.

Please drop dead

From A not so secret hater

1. Not allowed to write letters to Umbridge describing the ways you would like to see her suffer.

Author note: thanks to Angel5 for giving me the idea to turn my rules into a story and the next chapter will be longer


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Bellatrix was sitting on her bed at Malfoy manor when the owl arrived with the letter as Bellatrix read it she felt herself became filled with anger.

Dear Bellatrix Lestrange

I think your really hot even if you are a psychotic murder so I would like you take my virginity.

Thank you for your time

Fred and George Weasley

Voldemort was pacing up down trying to walk of his anger how dare the little brat write to him.

Dear Voldemort

I would really like a kitten and considering I can't ask my parents because you murdered them I think you should get me one.

From your arch enemy

Harry Potter

P.S here's a T-shirt for you please let me know if it's the right size

18. Not allowed to write to Bellatrix asking her to take your virginity

7. Not allowed to write to Voldemort asking for a kitten

10. Not allowed to get T-  
shirts printed up saying Let's go kick Voldemorts arse 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Hermione sat at the Gryffondor table waiting for the right moment to share her very important information and that perfect moment came only minutes later.

Hermione stood up and shouted " Severus Snape likes to eat people, silence spread a cross the great hall as Hermione sat back down and began to eat her food like nothing had happened.

5. Not allowed to tell people Snape eats children

65. Not allowed to try and convince Dumbledore he has Cornish Pixies living in his beard

Professor Dumbledore sat on his office rather amused by Mr Potter claim that he has a colony of Cornish pixies living in his beard of course not a word of it was true but Dumbledore wasn't going say that, at least the boys mind was of Voldemort. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Voldemort felt like he wanted to bash his own head, The Potter brat had sent him a howler which wouldn't explode for twenty four hours and had charmed to follow him were ever he went singing that same stupid song over and over again

i love you you love me were a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me 2 you wont you say you love me 2 i love you you love me we are friends like friends should be with a great big hug and a kiss from me 2 you wont you say you love me 2

55. Not allowed to send a howler to Voldemort singing the Barney Song.

Step right and place your bets here you won't get better odds than with us the awesome Weasley twins

Betting prices on who is Malfoy real father

100/1 Dumbledore

80/1 Filch

40/1 Dobby

25/1 Snape

5/1 Voldemort

137. Not allowed to take bets on who Malfoy real father is

Thanks to Angel Girl5 for reviewing 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Luna had taken every cauldron she could find and began to build with them after all Nargles need a home to and fort is just a good as home as any.

60. Not allowed to build a fort out of cauldrons

Mr Weasley why the hell are you adding cheese to a sleeping draught Snape asked Ron looked up with a cheeky grin " Oh I decided to try and cook a cheese soup instead sir.  
let's just Snapes shouting was heard by the whole castle

108. Potions is not a cooking class

Thanks to sabbs123 and Angel Girl5 for reviewing 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Voldemort was in a rage all because of the letter that Potter had sent that morning.

Dear Lord of stupidity

I am writing to you to offer you some advice which will help you score with the ladies , having a shower won't kill you , give flowers, wear a Wig and if that doesn't work I am pretty sure Bellatrix would willing to sleep with you.

please stop trying to kill me from Harry Potter

84. Not allowed to write to Voldemort suggesting he gets laid

Thanks to Angel Girl5 and dizuz for reviewing 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Luna had brought her hamster to breakfast in the Great Hall for Harry to have a look at , the last few days the hamster lemon pickles had been acting rather odd recently and Luna had a good idea why.

Yep I think your right Luna said Harry Luna nodded her head it was as she suspected lemon pickles was Voldemort which would explain why he always attacks Harry.

157. Not allowed to claim your hamster is Voldemort

Thanks to Angel Girl5 for reviewing 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Umbridge sat at her desk once again staring at a letter with no name and writing that she had not seen before only this there was gift as well

Dear Umberbitch

The lovely gift I have sent you is courtesy of Sirius black so I hope you enjoy also I wondering if I could have hold a party for Bellatrix Lestrange in the great hall this Tuesday.

I hope you get struck down by lightning

From I hate umberbitch untied

P.S. sorry about the chocolate pudding I really did think it made you look better

206. Not allowed to say Sirius Black told you to send Umbridge a box of worms as present

207. Not allowed to ask if you can hold a party for Bellatrix Lestrange in the great hall

208. Not allowed to say you only poured chocolate pudding on Umbridge to make her clothes look better

272. Not allowed to call Umbridge umberbitch

Thanks to Doclover for reviewing 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Harry was sitting in potions really and not understanding a single thing Snape was going on about so he decided to put his hand up and ask.

Harry bounced in his sit with his hand up " Mr Potter what ever you are disturbing my class for it better me important drawled out Snape

" it is Sponge Bob what the hell are you going on about .

Lets just say what was said next by Snape should not be repeated in front of children.

132. Snape is not Sponge Bob Square Pants

Thanks to sabbs123 and Doclover for reviewing 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter

Harry waited for lull in conversation at the Griffondor table so he could make his announcement.

Harry stood on the table and cleared his throat " Ladies and Gentleman can I have your attention I would like you to all raise your glass congratulat Umbridge on her engagement to Voldemort I hope you two make each other very Happy.

Harry stepped down of the table and sat back down not noticing or not caring that everyone in the great hall was looking at him funny.

278. Not allowed to tell the whole school that Umbridge is engaged to Voldemort

Thanks to Firewarrior123x ,sabbs123 and Ebru Gunduz Lestrange for reviewing 


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